Advanced Technology and Its Uses
by Rainy Paradise
Summary: Cell phones have been created in the world of FMA. Ed has unlimited texting- so does everyone else. Chaos ensues and sarcasm takes on a whole new meaning. T for Ed's language.


Warning: attempts at humor.  
Set in the FMAB world, but in some weird AUish timeline where everyone's –somewhat- not enemies. And alive. And they all text each other, obviously, because they now have phones and computers and online shopping and stuff.  
Um. Yeah. I dunno. Just go along with me on this one?

* * *

**From: Bastard  
**Fullmetal, report to my office. Now.  
Received: 3:09 PM, November 5

**From: Fullmetal**  
NO. STOP ORDERING ME TO DO STUFF THROUGH TEXTS.  
Received: 3:12 PM, November 5

**From: Bastard**  
...Explain something for me, right now.  
Received: 3:14 PM, November 5

**From: Fullmetal**  
WHAT.  
Received: 3:15 PM, November 5

**From: Bastard**  
Why is Alphonse in my office, completely inebriated, at three in the afternoon?  
Received: 3:17 PM, November 5

**From: Fullmetal**  
wha- …shit what is he doing  
Received: 3:21 PM, November 5

**From: Bastard**  
Well, before he was just sitting there, happily singing about kittens and mittens, but then he thought it would be a good idea to replicate his old armor out of Hawkeye's _mahogany_ desk and wear it. And fill it with kittens he picked up from god knows where.  
Received: 3:26 PM, November 5

**From: Bastard**  
And she's got her finger on the trigger now. Havoc's not here to say something stupid to distract her, smart of him. She _really_ liked that desk.  
Alphonse's still dancing around with the cats flying out of the armor.  
Received: 3:27 PM, November 5

**From: Fullmetal**  
fuck ill be right there.  
Received: 3:28 PM, November 5

* * *

**From: Hawkeye  
**Second lieutenant Havoc, would you please explain something for me?  
Received: 4:01 PM, November 5

**From: Lieutenant Havoc**  
Of course~ ;)  
Received: 4:04 PM, November 5

**From: Hawkeye**  
Please explain to me why you thought it would be a good idea to give Alphonse a full bottle of rum, which is now _completely_ empty by the way.  
Received: 4:05 PM, November 5

**From: Hawkeye**  
Lieutenant. I'm waiting for your answer.  
Received: 4:16 PM, November 5

**From: Hawkeye**  
Don't even think of running away. I've got my gun trained on your front door.  
Received: 4:23 PM, November 5

**From: Hawkeye**  
And the Colonel's got the back.  
A cat landed in his lap.  
The three of us are not happy.  
Received: 4:24 PM, November 5

* * *

**From: Al  
**Brother? brother i'm really sorry  
Received: 5:59 AM, November 6

**From: Al**  
Brotherrrr  
Received: 6:00 AM, November 6

**From: Al**  
I'm really really reallyyyyyyyy sorry  
Received: 6:01 AM, November 6

**From: Al **  
I really didnt mean it :'(  
Received: 6:05 AM November 6

**From: Al**  
I really didnt mean to call you the s word  
Received: 6:06 AM, November 6

**From: Al**  
Or force the mil- that disgusting white fluid produced by cows down your throat  
Received: 6:06 AM, November 6

**From: Al**  
So will you please open the door its cold out here and my head hurts like teacher slapped me with a cow  
and theres a splinter in my armpit  
Received: 6:07 AM, November 6

* * *

**From: Automail Freak  
**ED! I HEARD YOU WERE INVOLVED IN THE INCIDENT UP NORTH TWO DAYS AGO AND YOU BROKE YOUR AUTOMAIL  
Received: 11:01 AM, November 11

**From: Ed**  
urm.. yeah winry about that...  
Received: 11:03 AM, November 11

**From: Automail Freak**  
i'm coming to central. the colonel already paid for the ticket wasn't that nice of him?  
now stay still until i can get within wrench throwing distance. :)  
Received: 11:06 AM, November 11

**From: Ed**  
SHIT NO SORRY IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO LET THE DRACHMAN SPY SLICE IT OFF WITH THAT FUCKING CHAINSAW I SWEAR THAT CRAZY FUCKER JUST CHOPPED IT OFF  
Received: 11:07 AM, November 11

**From: Automail Freak**  
he. did. what. now?  
Received: 11:08 AM, November 11

* * *

**From: Hawkeye  
**Colonel, I hope you're not doing what I think you're doing right now.  
Received: 1:49 PM, November 12

**From: Colonel Mustang**  
Ah- Er- Lieutenant, whatever do you mean?  
Received: 1:53 PM, November 12

**From: Hawkeye**  
I heard that.  
Received: 1:54 PM, November 12

**From: Colonel Mustang**  
H-heard what, lieutenant?  
Received: 1:56 PM, November 12

**From: Hawkeye**  
The sound of paperwork ashes being thrown out the window.  
Received: 1:57 PM, November 12

* * *

**From: AMAZON . com  
**Mr. Fuery, your order of the following purchases have been shipped from the warehouse:  
(1) _50 Shades of_ _Grey_  
(1) _Breaking Dawn_  
(1) _Gluten-Free Baking for Dummies  
_DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE  
Received: 12:33 PM, November 13**  
**

* * *

**From: Hughes  
**IMG_ 1211161390 .jpeg  
ISN'T SHE SO CUTE AND ADORABLE~ MY LITTLE ELICIA~  
Received: 9:22 AM, November 16**  
**

**From: Hughes**  
IMG_ 1211169398 .jpeg  
ooooh~ look at my sweetie eating with a spoon, all on her own! she's the cutest!33  
Received: 9:47 AM, November 16

**From: Hughes**  
IMG_ 1211161247 .jpeg  
My two angels are going shoppinggg~ AREN'T THEY ADORABLE?3333  
i bought that cute little pink bow for my baby~ isn't she perfect333333  
Received: 10:25 AM, November 16

**From: Roy**  
Who. Taught him how to send picture messages. And group messages.  
Received: 10:34 AM, November 16

**From: Havoc**  
notme  
Received: 10:36 AM, November 16

**From: Breda**  
NOT ME  
Received: 10:39 AM, November 16

**From: Hawkeye**  
Not me, sir.  
Received: 10:45 AM, November 16

**From: Falman**  
It wasn't me  
Received: 10:47 AM, November 16

**From: Fuery**

ahahahahaha... well, you see, theres this funny story, sir...  
Received: 10:59 AM, November 16

* * *

**From: Brother  
**Al whered you go?  
Received: 8:33 PM, November 20

**From: Al**  
Uhhh Brother help meeeeeee  
Received: 8:39 PM, November 20

**From: Brother**  
WHAT WHERE ARE YOU WHATS WRONG WHOS ATTACKING  
Received: 8:40 PM, November 20

**From: Al**  
There was this cutest little black and white cat and I went to pet it and out of nowhere, this girl popped out at started beating me up and yelling at me and she stole my head and help meeeee brotherrr!  
Received: 8:43 PM, November 20

* * *

**From: Unknown Number  
**oi shortie  
Received: 5:22 AM, November 21

**From: Fullmetal Shortie**  
WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE CANT EVEN GET OUT OF BED WITHOUT JUMPING DOWN  
AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ITS 5 IN THE MORNING  
Received: 5:27 AM, November 21

**From: Unknown Number**  
TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOL  
Received: 5:29 AM, November 21

**From: Unknown Number **  
TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL  
Received: 5:30 AM, November 21

**From: Fullmetal Shortie**  
wtf  
Received: 5:34 AM, November 21

**From: Unknown Number**  
TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLOLOLOLOLOLOL  
Received: 5:36 AM, November 21

-_I'm sorry, the number you have called is not available. Please leave a message after the beep._ *beep*

"I. WILL. FIND. YOU."

* * *

a/n: aaaand that's a wrap! Thoughts? suggestions?

Everyone knows who that last one was, right? -winkkkkkkk.-  
If there's enough response, I might continue this again soon- it was so fun to write. hehe.


End file.
